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Tired to death

I just came home after 4 hours of travel. I am so tired I can not write even one page of the story that I am working on. Anyway, I made some alterations in my head and hope to write at least 10 pages tomorrow. Especially the infamous octopus scene O___o

As for my teeth, I still have the expander on. Honestly, its starting to be quite tiring. :-/ My ortho put a rubber band on my front teeth to pull them together and close the gap. First 2 days were quite painful, but now its ok. I almost do not feel it anymore.

I got another date for the removal, now hopefully a final one: 20th March, 9:00 am. She is setting asside a hour for me, so I fear that it wont be a simple snapping off as she claims, but anyway. Also thanks to things not going as planned during the expansion, I will be getting 4-6 new bands on my molars instead of the planned 2. I can not wait to have it all behind me. O___o

Oh and work-wise. I got 2 rejections so far, but the promising company did not reply yet, so I am being hopeful.

Midnight edit:

I drank a huge mug of coffee and wrote 8 pages. The story is going well. Unfortunately, my gran is feeling really bad. Her health got worse since thursday when I left our flat to see a doc. Honestly, I am really worried scared… but unless doctors find a way how to help her, there is nothing I can do except for helping her when I am with her. 😦

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Yup, this is the oficial title for my story. I managed to break the gray wall of writers block and moved with the story. I do not say it is perfect yet, but with a lot of editing, cutting off and adding, the first third of the story is done. 30+ pages so far and the story started flowing again.

I decided to call it Kiseki – Miracle, because the main theme is hope and a miracle is, what started all the things and allowed the main characters to live in a way they would never be able to experience without it. When you think about it, just living a life is a miracle… and if you are living on borrowed time like Jun, my main protagonist, its even more true.

The funny thing is, that what made me able to continue with it was listening to this song from Miyavi. Its called Kimi ni negai wo. I dislike the clip, but the song is very nice.

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I did not write much lately. To be honest, I am not doing much – writing, playing an online game, taking care of my grandmother (who complains about anything I ever do, lol) and trying to find a nice stable job at least till my next surgery.

I had 3 job interviews last week. All were for a job of writer/copywriter/PR writer – mostly for assistant/junior position so I have a higher chance with my mouth and face as they are now.

Try 1

Monday was a horrible experience. I applied for an IT company based job. Knowing that I do not look good and that I have a lisp, I aimed for a not so well paid editor/redactor position for an online portal. I hoped that it does not matter that I still have some speech problems and do not look pleasantly, when its job where I only write from behind of the screen. How horribly wrong I was.

The company called me on friday evening, telling me that last date for an interview is monday morning. I had a lot of things to do (doc, my insurance stuff, some papers at different offices…), so I asked them if there is not another date possible. At that moment, they clearly must know that I talk somehow weirdly and I told them that I am post-op, but they still insisted they would like to meet. I spent rest of the day rearanging stuff and planning a 3 hour travel on monday morning.

I slept 3 hours, took the buses (3 busses, 3 hours of traveling, cost quite a lot if you are unemployed). Called them in the morning once again, because the HR woman forgot to send me instructions in which of the company buildings scattered across the city we have to meet. They again told me they are looking forward to meeting me and blah, blah, blah.

I came on time, sat and was waiting for her. She came late. She gave me a weird look, but I thought it was just my impression – I can be a little paranoid sometimes, especially when I am nervous about giving them a positive impression and this happens. She led me to her colleague for interview and stayed as a second interviewer. As I started talking, they exchanged a “meaningful” look, but stayed polite… the really artificial polite. I came there, gave them a good CV, showed them at least 4 printed articles and stories to prove that I can write and am an published author (honestly, my writing experience is above this kind of job, but I wanted it, because it would be easy job for me and I would not have to worry about my looks), even brought a finished piece in english to prove that I can help out as a translator with 2 foreign languages.

The interview lasted 15 minutes. They explained the position to me, I told them that I did something similar in my past job as part of my daily work… and they did not ask even only one more thing. Just nothing. Nothing about my past work, nothing about what else I can do… just nothing. Asked me if I want to ask something, so I gave them few work related questions and when it got to pay question, I told them that I value a good job over big money and would really want this job, because I love working with written texts.

I felt a lot of antipathy and sort of mocking in the way they talked to me. Polite, but anyway. At the end, they emphatized, that they have some other candidates as well. As I was leaving, I was sure they do not even think about hiring me.

Got a rejection letter the next day – short, blunt. Just a no, thanks, we decided that another candidate will be better.

Now, I know looks do matter, but why do I have to look like a model to get a job where I hide behind the computer screen and do not speak almost to anyone?! Honestly, I was really really hurt and totally discouraged from applying for any other job before my surgeries are over.

Try 2

Anyway, on wednesday, I got a phone call from different company that I applied for and they asked me nicely if I would be willing to write a sample press release for them. Of course I said yes and they sent me the theme and requirements. I did some research and finished the press release in about 6 hours. I sent it to them thursday morning and they called me after very short while and asked me if I want to come for interview with my “future boss”. I got a date for friday morning. I also empatized, that I am post-op and still have some speach problems, but they said they do not mind and are looking forward to meeting me. Yay!

Unexpected try 3

Thursday early afternoon: I got a phone call from a company I applied to some time ago and gave up on them interviewing me already. Anyway, they called me and we managed to arrange an interview at 16:00. Again, I emphatized that I am post-op.

The interview was very unpleasant. The interviewer was a perfect case of a skilled HR manager working for a huge company. Cold, giving a lot of trick questions. I was sure that everything he ever said was meant to “examine” me. In some of the sentences he used, I clearly heard almost exact sentences of one HR management book I red some time ago. He was super skilled and I am sure he is perfect for this job – yes. But at the same time, the interview was quite unpleasant. Anyway, it was unpleasant in totally different way than the monday one. After this one, I knew I am probably not getting the job either (I messed up few times in the interview), but I was not sure I want to do it anyway, the company did not feel too good to me, too big, too impersonal… but who knows.

Second part of try 2

I came for the last interview and the most promising one at the same time, because they already were pleased with the sample of my work, so I did not come just as a person, but as someone who did already show, that she can do the work. I was nicely surprised by a very personal type of receptionist. She was really nice and was not the model artificial type that I met in the other 2 companies. Another surprise came, when I realised that she was calling my “future boss” by name, not surname. Another thing that made me feel much better about the company. I do not know why, just a nice change from the cold professionality for once.

My “future boss” appeared to be a young man, not much older than myself. Nice, polite, enegic, but not superficial at all. I must say I really liked him from the first moment.

He explained about the work, asked things about where I worked before, about experience, expected pay and so. But since he is not one of these university graduated managers, he was much more personal and warm. I had really positive feeling about the interview. Again, he assured me that they care about my skills, not my lisp. I hope they meant it. πŸ™‚

He told me that we will get in contact this week, because he wants me to be sure that I want to do this job for a long time, not leaving after few weeks because I do not like what I write. Anyway, as long as they want me, I am theirs. This job could be very interesting, provide me a lot of new knowledge as part of my job and also let me do what I love the most – writing.

Now, I am waiting with crossed fingers. I hope that it will work out and they decide to hire me. πŸ™‚

PS: I think the best way of dealing with badly behaving people would be taking out a toilet plunger out of my bag and suck it in their face. πŸ™‚Β  It would not help, but damn would it feel good, lol.Β 

Rabbid plunger

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Ok, I met my friend from Japan and it seems that he is not against the idea of helping me with two of my crazy projects. The first one is still secret, but it is almost purely business oriented. I might start my own tiny company soon if things work out – as for now, it would be me full time and two part timers, one of them in Japan as our agent. The chance for success is small, but who knows… sometimes even a blind cat catches a mouse, right? Especially when it is armed with laser rifle and heat detection device… or has a vibro blade equipped mecha or… well, you get the point πŸ˜‰

The other crazy project is my movie script of course. My friend said he would help me translate it to Japanese, as their screenwriting formatting is different from European and American and could market it to few productions there. He also suggested me to write the main two characters as a double-role, but I do not like the idea. The main chars are so different it would be quite difficult to perform it believably, especially for a less experienced actor.

As for now, I am done with the outline more or less, so I started writing sort of synopsis. I have the main characters sketched, I have the world and it’s basic laws (yes, it is a normal modern world, just with something more behind what we, or the main char at the start, usually see). The story flows quite well. I can see, because I am getting flashes of scenes and dialogues, which I do not unless I am happy with the basics. I am also starting to sketch minor characters and some filler scenes.

This story is somehow difficult, because I want it to start as a comedy and then slowly shift to drama with an bittersweet end. I do not have any problem writing pure comedy or drama, but the crucial and most difficult part comes with merging them. It’s all about the timing and very accurate planning. The comedy can not just switch to drama quickly… and in the dramatic part, every piece of the comedial part must have a meaning and explanation. The “Oh, I see.. that is why they were doing it that way…” moment. I do not like useless gags. Also the comedial introduction of the characters must be long enough to make the viewer like the characters for what they are, but not bore them or keep them awake only on cliche’s. And once again, the transition must be slow building of the drama and smooth blurring from funny movie into something much much deeper.

Anyway, this story will be marketed directly to one special person in Japan (ok, ok, 2, but written with one in my mind as the main character) and I am writing the story and chars to fit them. At the start, I envisioned the person as one character, but it looks like he will fit the second one more, but I found out that if I change the start and POV a little, it works again as it should. (Oh, the drama… don’t I sound all secretive and dramatic and all just now? Give me a sec, I will don my dramatic satin cape and white half-mask. Oooohhh, the muuuuusic of the niiiiiight. Ehm… *cough cough *… forget it.)

I thought I would share at least something with you so here is one quote, which may, or may not be said during the ending. I hope you like it.

β€œAnd as I was lying in blood, life escaping out of my body together with my blood pouring on the cold surface of the street, I got the most expensive gift I could ever receive. A pair of ruby wings torn from the fragile body of a crying angel. My miracle.”

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Ok, I got my hair chopped short yesterday. And with short, I mean VERY short. I did not have such short hair for at least 10 years, probably even more.

I ran to the hairdresser with a black and white picture of a haircut that I liked, but unfortunately, my hair is quite fine and that person had nice strong hair, so it was impossible to create on me without ton of layes of laque, styling foam and whatever, so we decided to improvise. I had two demands: I want it layered and fluffy and I do not want a blunt fringe.

When she started cutting it, it felt strange to have my hair chopped off short just in the middle of my neck, but it was about to get even shorter. So I sat there, watching her dance around me with all sorts of combs, scissors, razors and hairpins. Anyway, the result is not bad. Short, light, fluffy and messy. It can be combed back withΒ  the help of some styling products for formal events, but it needs almost no maintenance for everyday wear. I would say it is a good haircut for somebody who spends most of her time at home (with aching teeth, gah!) or with doctors.

As for the shattered dream… well, I went to my orthodontist for separators into my lower teeth, so I can get my lower braces on next thursday. The separators hurt a little as she forced them in, but that is mainly because my mouth is incredibly sensitive lately. Anyway, she checked up my teeth and palate and commented that half of my palate did not expand as well as the other, but they can correct it later with some sort of “braces” (I forgot how the thing was called). The bad part was the band around my last left molar is really somehow loose and looks like it might slide off one day. She told me we need to keep it on till the second half of January and told me that I should not bite at all. So back to mashed stuff. But… I have been told that we need to keep the RPE on only for 2 months after we stop turning it… which suddenly changed to 3+ months. I really hoped that I will get it off soon, because my teeth are really very sore and I am getting iritated gums and TMJ from the bad bite and the loose band. Well, nothing can be done I suppose. I will be a good girl. Gah.

And as for the thing I write: I got stuck. I have two great characters and strong storyline, but I am stuck with the settings and the events that happen in the first third, the introduction. I had one quite good idea, but as I say, it was quite good, not brilliant. I am working on another one now, playing the story over and over in my head, writing down notes and pieces of scenes. It seems to work somehow, so wish me luck.

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I did not write much lately, but hey, nothing major was happening in my life and I would not like to keep ranting about hot chocolate and blended food, lol.

I have been obsessed by a screenplay that I am working on last few days. I had idea for few scenes written down months ago, sometime last year, but just few funny scenes. I have been looking for material for a movie written for one exact person and the main char who I drafted that time just fit him. I could imagine him in the scene. The char fit. I had to change a lot from my old concept and gave the story different twist and changed the plot a lot (the draft was for a play or just short story for some anthology), but overally I am really happy with the whole thing. I am just writing down notes for the plot and story, which I want to show to my friend who is coming from Japan this wednesday. He is a movie director, producer and scriptwriter who is in the field for a loooooong time, so I would like to have his opinion before he vanishes back to Japan. (He does not know yet, lol. Poor poor guy ;))

I also had an interesting saturday morning. I have been waken up by some weird noise. First, I thought there was a big butterfly on the window, but in this weather? Then I found out it was a Great tit who got in through a tiny ventilation hole and got trapped in the room. It was throwing itself against the window, trying to get out. So I had to catch it carefully and release it. It was really strange.

Anyway, I am still having some tootache and migraines, but overally I feel quite well. Also all my stitches are out by now and I am not swolen at all anymore. Have a scary photo of me and the gap of hope and wonders (Charlie the unicorn anyone? πŸ˜‰):

Scary photo of me and the gap of hopes and wonders

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Ok, after 2 years of writer’s block, I finally forced myself to start working on my fantasy book again. Yesterday, I managed to re-read all about 500 pages of the story and am getting back to it. Honestly, sometimes I wonder about the stupidity of some scenes as I grew out of the style I used to use, but some surprise me with their geniality, lol. Anyway, thanks to the latter, I feel that I can continue writing it if I edit some parts.

The annoying thing is that I am always very tired, probably because I do not eat much thanks to my lovely aching teeth, and just want to rest instead of doing something meaningful. But then, since this might be my last long time without stable fulltime job, I should really do whatever I can with the damn book, so I can finally get it published. I have one publisher interested in it already, but I would like to try one of the big houses. I can manage it if the book is a top class one, so wish me luck, lots of coffee and little distractio… LOOK! A BUNNY! πŸ˜‰

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