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My migraines are getting much worse than few days ago. They are probably caused by TMJ disorder, because my bite is really bad now and my jaw muscles are getting really tired. Unfortunately, it is not just sore muscles anymore, but is becoming regular migraines with all that comes with it – irritated eyes, headaches, light sensitivity… not fun at all.

I am struggling with Kiseki – something is still off from page 60 and I am not sure what exactly. Probably I wrote something wrong about the reality of the host clubs, so I am getting myself few documents about them, so I can study and maybe think out what is wrong with my writing. I so hate being a perfectionist sometimes. Anyway, trying to write, having head full of ideas and having heavy migraine at the same time is no fun.

I promised myself that only one more page today and then I am off to bed. Good night guys.

EDIT: The migraine got a little better today, so I watched half of the document about host clubs. It’s called The Great Happiness Space: Tale of an Osaka Love Thief.  Also I edited few more pages of Kiseki. Again, I trully hate detective parts of stories, lol.

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Ok, one by one:

Hair:

I got a new haircut on thursday. I think I like it, its fluffy and a little closer to what I wanted than the last one. It can be made casual or very fluffy by mixing some foam and wax into it. 😉 The basic cut is similar to one of Gackt’s hairstyles, but since my hair is very fine and I have different facial structure (obviously, gah! >__<), it looks different.

Trying to get Gackt's haircut, lolTrying to get Gackt's haircut, lol

Fluffed up version 😉

Trying to get Gackt's haircut, lol

Writing:

I spent most of the time trying to figure out what does not work in the last 20 pages of Kiseki. Obviously, I did not write the media and police actions timed too well. So I will reedit few scenes, add some other ones and delete few blocks of text. Anyway, it should work once I force myself to edit and rewrite all the things that I changed and scratched on printed papers. Somehow, I did not have power to do it today. Lazy, I know.

Gran:

When I came back home from Prague, I was shocked to death. When I said hello to gran and she turned to me, I realised that she has HUGE black-violet bruise around her left eye. First thing that I thought of was that somebody attacked and robbed her. What really happened was that when she was visiting her friend and they went to visit some garden, she stepped on a rake that was left there. And guess what? Yes, she did NOT go to a doctor. Damn, she could have  concussion of the brain or something… sometimes I wish I could just take her and carry her to doctor be she willing or not. Anyway, she is getting better now and I will try to get her to doctor for some check-up at least.

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I am sitting at bfs flat, stuffing myself with a tiny piece of cake that was left from my namesday and am preparing to leave in about a hour to get a haircut and then run to job interview (sushi chef in training position, lol), but the only damn thing that I can think about is the not so wel written murder thingy in my story.

My main char Jun witnesses murder. But nobody remembers that the murderer ever lived – it looks as if it was Jun’s fantasy… and he becomes suspect instead. Since he is working in VIP club and the victim was member there, media start sniffling around, but they stay low, because the club owner is generously handing out checks for “discretion”. Buuuut I need to have the club closed later, so I can throw Jun into very important scene, where he discovers, that many things aren’t what they seemed to be.

In other words: I hate the damn media scenes.  I hate writing detective scenes… and since they are intertwined, its twice the mess. Anyway, I need to rewrite the murder scenes in news and newspapers. Again… ;___;

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5 months after SARPE

Ok, another check. Here are my before and after photos after surgically assisted palatal expansion aka SARPE. My expander is still on and I have braces (they surprisingly add to the positive result atm, lol), but I have my removal date: 20th March. Yay!

I am posting photos without makeup, because they show the results better than any “concealed” ones.

Anyway, here you go:

Before:

5 months after:

5 Months after SARPE

Before:

Crouzon syndrome before

5 months after:

5 Months after SARPE

Also I celebrated my namesday on 21th February (its a Czech thing, lol) and I got a cake from gran, belgium chocolate from parents and gave myself a cute plushie kitten decoration. I do not celebrate my namesday or birthday normally, but it felt nice that somebody remembered this time.

The cake is a lie!Chocolate O___oKitty

And remember… the cake is a lie! O___o
Aka the portal song 😉

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Miyavi! O___o

As scary as it is, I am starting to like Miyavi. Some songs are not bad at all, even if they are a little weird. I found myself to like Kekkonshiki no uta, Senor senora senorita and Kimi ni negai wo and listen to it as I write the story.

Anyway, enjoy:

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This is what I wanted to write at first. But then I wrote another 1.000 words and finished a super important scene – the fencing duel one. I am sure it will need some editing later, but I captured the exact feeling that I wanted to have in it. The only thing I fear is how difficult will this be, when I will have to translate it to english as well.

The story has oficially 60+ pages and I am quite happy with the whole thing. I moved the Kyoto scene and will use it in another context, which might be even cooler than I planned it before.

Oh… and I got a new picture for my desktop. Say goodbye to my hot Gaara (Naruto) wallpaper and hail the new ruler! My RF Online wallpaper!

Click to enlarge:

RF Online cora art wallpaper

(Insert random sexist comment about unearthly hot men in tight black leather)

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I finished the first third of Kiseki yesterday. It reached 40 pages in total and I am quite happy with the whole feeling of the story. I added some scenes with a minor female character called Kaori, who seems to be perfect courterpant for Hikaru, my second main character. They create some incredibly funny scenes just by being together and being themselves.

I started introducing much more drama into the story in the second part. My main character is heading to Kyoto at the moment and will have an interesting experience at Fushimi Inari shrine:

Fox shrine

Of course he is not going to sightsee, but experience, what a place with many gates can do. Yes, if you are trying to escape from a prison, you have to go through a gate. And if you are locked in another world, a place with ten thousands of gates can be exactly, what you would be looking for. Can bring some memories to my beloved Jun.

10000 gates in japan

I am just upset that I did not take more notes when I was in Japan. Would make my work much easier today.

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Yup, this is the oficial title for my story. I managed to break the gray wall of writers block and moved with the story. I do not say it is perfect yet, but with a lot of editing, cutting off and adding, the first third of the story is done. 30+ pages so far and the story started flowing again.

I decided to call it Kiseki – Miracle, because the main theme is hope and a miracle is, what started all the things and allowed the main characters to live in a way they would never be able to experience without it. When you think about it, just living a life is a miracle… and if you are living on borrowed time like Jun, my main protagonist, its even more true.

The funny thing is, that what made me able to continue with it was listening to this song from Miyavi. Its called Kimi ni negai wo. I dislike the clip, but the song is very nice.

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I did not write much lately. To be honest, I am not doing much – writing, playing an online game, taking care of my grandmother (who complains about anything I ever do, lol) and trying to find a nice stable job at least till my next surgery.

I had 3 job interviews last week. All were for a job of writer/copywriter/PR writer – mostly for assistant/junior position so I have a higher chance with my mouth and face as they are now.

Try 1

Monday was a horrible experience. I applied for an IT company based job. Knowing that I do not look good and that I have a lisp, I aimed for a not so well paid editor/redactor position for an online portal. I hoped that it does not matter that I still have some speech problems and do not look pleasantly, when its job where I only write from behind of the screen. How horribly wrong I was.

The company called me on friday evening, telling me that last date for an interview is monday morning. I had a lot of things to do (doc, my insurance stuff, some papers at different offices…), so I asked them if there is not another date possible. At that moment, they clearly must know that I talk somehow weirdly and I told them that I am post-op, but they still insisted they would like to meet. I spent rest of the day rearanging stuff and planning a 3 hour travel on monday morning.

I slept 3 hours, took the buses (3 busses, 3 hours of traveling, cost quite a lot if you are unemployed). Called them in the morning once again, because the HR woman forgot to send me instructions in which of the company buildings scattered across the city we have to meet. They again told me they are looking forward to meeting me and blah, blah, blah.

I came on time, sat and was waiting for her. She came late. She gave me a weird look, but I thought it was just my impression – I can be a little paranoid sometimes, especially when I am nervous about giving them a positive impression and this happens. She led me to her colleague for interview and stayed as a second interviewer. As I started talking, they exchanged a “meaningful” look, but stayed polite… the really artificial polite. I came there, gave them a good CV, showed them at least 4 printed articles and stories to prove that I can write and am an published author (honestly, my writing experience is above this kind of job, but I wanted it, because it would be easy job for me and I would not have to worry about my looks), even brought a finished piece in english to prove that I can help out as a translator with 2 foreign languages.

The interview lasted 15 minutes. They explained the position to me, I told them that I did something similar in my past job as part of my daily work… and they did not ask even only one more thing. Just nothing. Nothing about my past work, nothing about what else I can do… just nothing. Asked me if I want to ask something, so I gave them few work related questions and when it got to pay question, I told them that I value a good job over big money and would really want this job, because I love working with written texts.

I felt a lot of antipathy and sort of mocking in the way they talked to me. Polite, but anyway. At the end, they emphatized, that they have some other candidates as well. As I was leaving, I was sure they do not even think about hiring me.

Got a rejection letter the next day – short, blunt. Just a no, thanks, we decided that another candidate will be better.

Now, I know looks do matter, but why do I have to look like a model to get a job where I hide behind the computer screen and do not speak almost to anyone?! Honestly, I was really really hurt and totally discouraged from applying for any other job before my surgeries are over.

Try 2

Anyway, on wednesday, I got a phone call from different company that I applied for and they asked me nicely if I would be willing to write a sample press release for them. Of course I said yes and they sent me the theme and requirements. I did some research and finished the press release in about 6 hours. I sent it to them thursday morning and they called me after very short while and asked me if I want to come for interview with my “future boss”. I got a date for friday morning. I also empatized, that I am post-op and still have some speach problems, but they said they do not mind and are looking forward to meeting me. Yay!

Unexpected try 3

Thursday early afternoon: I got a phone call from a company I applied to some time ago and gave up on them interviewing me already. Anyway, they called me and we managed to arrange an interview at 16:00. Again, I emphatized that I am post-op.

The interview was very unpleasant. The interviewer was a perfect case of a skilled HR manager working for a huge company. Cold, giving a lot of trick questions. I was sure that everything he ever said was meant to “examine” me. In some of the sentences he used, I clearly heard almost exact sentences of one HR management book I red some time ago. He was super skilled and I am sure he is perfect for this job – yes. But at the same time, the interview was quite unpleasant. Anyway, it was unpleasant in totally different way than the monday one. After this one, I knew I am probably not getting the job either (I messed up few times in the interview), but I was not sure I want to do it anyway, the company did not feel too good to me, too big, too impersonal… but who knows.

Second part of try 2

I came for the last interview and the most promising one at the same time, because they already were pleased with the sample of my work, so I did not come just as a person, but as someone who did already show, that she can do the work. I was nicely surprised by a very personal type of receptionist. She was really nice and was not the model artificial type that I met in the other 2 companies. Another surprise came, when I realised that she was calling my “future boss” by name, not surname. Another thing that made me feel much better about the company. I do not know why, just a nice change from the cold professionality for once.

My “future boss” appeared to be a young man, not much older than myself. Nice, polite, enegic, but not superficial at all. I must say I really liked him from the first moment.

He explained about the work, asked things about where I worked before, about experience, expected pay and so. But since he is not one of these university graduated managers, he was much more personal and warm. I had really positive feeling about the interview. Again, he assured me that they care about my skills, not my lisp. I hope they meant it. 🙂

He told me that we will get in contact this week, because he wants me to be sure that I want to do this job for a long time, not leaving after few weeks because I do not like what I write. Anyway, as long as they want me, I am theirs. This job could be very interesting, provide me a lot of new knowledge as part of my job and also let me do what I love the most – writing.

Now, I am waiting with crossed fingers. I hope that it will work out and they decide to hire me. 🙂

PS: I think the best way of dealing with badly behaving people would be taking out a toilet plunger out of my bag and suck it in their face. 🙂  It would not help, but damn would it feel good, lol. 

Rabbid plunger

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I had a really bad day today. My RPE was not removed, even if I was looking forward to it like a small kid to candy, lol. I just got upper braces for my front teeth and to be honest, it extremely hurt. My teeth are not numb anymore, but instead of normal sensing, I feel just pain when I touch them. And the doc put braces on them. God, I thought I will die when she started attaching the small rubber thingies that hold the wire in place… and when she was finished, she was bending the ends of the wire so that they wont keep poking and hurting the inside of my cheeks (no idea why she did not do it before it got attached). In short, it was worse than anything they did to me so far. When I left the chair, my tears were running and everyone kept asking me if I am ok.

RPE removal is scheduled on 14th February. They also found out that they did not expand my palate enough, so I will need to wear some sort of wire that should not just serve as retainer, but expand the arch even more. No idea how they want to do it 5 months after the surgery  :-/

I am not an happy puppy 😦

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