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Kimonos

Here are some kimonos that I have. With bleeding heart, I decided that I should sell part of my collection, because I do not have much space for them and also do not have the opportunity to wear them. So if you were interested in some, let me know. Some are quite expensive though (especially the uchikake).

I will be uploading photos of my other kimonos when i get time to make photos of them as well, they are in BFs flat.

So, here we go…

White wedding kimono (I have almost the same one in red as well)

100% natural silk, pure white, perfect condition

White wedding kimono

White wedding kimono

White wedding kimono

Vintage pink kimono

100% silk, but a little rough due to the embroidery

slight staining on the lining, not visible when worn

Vintage pink kimono

Vintage pink kimono

Vintage pink kimono

Heavily embroidered uchikake

100% pure natural silk with woven pattern and heavy embroidery

perfect condition

100% pure silk embroidered uchikake wedding kimono

100% pure silk embroidered uchikake wedding kimono

100% pure silk embroidered uchikake wedding kimono

100% pure silk embroidered uchikake wedding kimono

Rare golden obi

Rare golden embroidery obi kimono belt

Rare golden embroidery obi kimono belt

Silver and pink obi

Silver and pink flower pattern obi kimono belt

Silver and pink flower pattern obi kimono belt

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Since I am hunting for regular job once again, I decided to make few photos that I could send with my CV. Here is the result with me in warpaint 😉

Lady Candar

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Here are some photos of my haircut. I have been playing with my arabian scarf.

Haircut

Also as you can see, my skin cleared out pretty well. Looks like I got rid of the worst acne forever. Yay. Bless you hospital horse doses of anthibiotics and a secret tip from one nurse ^___^

Haircut and clearer skin

Oh… and by the way, I did not get hair dyed. Even if everyone says I must have had it done.

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I did not write much lately, but hey, nothing major was happening in my life and I would not like to keep ranting about hot chocolate and blended food, lol.

I have been obsessed by a screenplay that I am working on last few days. I had idea for few scenes written down months ago, sometime last year, but just few funny scenes. I have been looking for material for a movie written for one exact person and the main char who I drafted that time just fit him. I could imagine him in the scene. The char fit. I had to change a lot from my old concept and gave the story different twist and changed the plot a lot (the draft was for a play or just short story for some anthology), but overally I am really happy with the whole thing. I am just writing down notes for the plot and story, which I want to show to my friend who is coming from Japan this wednesday. He is a movie director, producer and scriptwriter who is in the field for a loooooong time, so I would like to have his opinion before he vanishes back to Japan. (He does not know yet, lol. Poor poor guy ;))

I also had an interesting saturday morning. I have been waken up by some weird noise. First, I thought there was a big butterfly on the window, but in this weather? Then I found out it was a Great tit who got in through a tiny ventilation hole and got trapped in the room. It was throwing itself against the window, trying to get out. So I had to catch it carefully and release it. It was really strange.

Anyway, I am still having some tootache and migraines, but overally I feel quite well. Also all my stitches are out by now and I am not swolen at all anymore. Have a scary photo of me and the gap of hope and wonders (Charlie the unicorn anyone? 😉):

Scary photo of me and the gap of hopes and wonders

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Just a short post. I am almost 1 month post op, so here are my photos. I am still somehow swollen, my mouth seems asymetric due to the nasty openbite and gap between teeth, but I think there are some improvements already. Unfortunately, my acne came back, gah!

But the biggest improvement is… I CAN BREATHE THROUGH MY NOSE WITH NO PROBLEMS, YAY!!!

Profile before

Profile after

Front view before

Front view after

Smile before

Smile after

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Ok, hello again everyone. As promised, I am going to share my surgery experience. The text below is made from fragments that I kept writing on paper during the last few days and rewrote today. Please, excuse the mistakes and typos. I will check the text when I feel better. Also I made some photos, but I will be able to upload them first when I come back home. They consist of mostly my room pics and pics of one swollen hamster – me.

Anyway, let’s begin.

Thursday – The hospital entering day

I was nervous. The first thing I had to do was to visit my best friend and return her notes that I borrowed from her months ago, so she can graduate, lol. I also brought her a plush crab for good luck with her exams, which will take place when I will be in the hospital. She was ill, so we just talked for few minutes and then I took another bus to the hospital.

I came a little late (hey, I am INFP personality, that is my sacred right), but they did not mind. A nurse took my examinations and x-rays and let me subscribe ton of papers. Then I met a doctor who explained me all the details of the surgery, medication etc etc.

The problem arised, when my main surgeon came and it came out that they have to extract a totally healthy tooth because my dentist wished for it. My surgeon did not agree, I did neither so they argued quite a lot with my dentist. The result was that the tooth will be extracted during the surgery. (As I realised later, my surgeon changed his mind and did not do it, instead finding out a way how to reach the same result while keeping the tooth).

I was really stressed from the argues, hints that I must have known it from before because my dentist must have explained it and whatever.

In the end of it, I felt really bad. I felt like it was me who caused the mess.

Oh, I also realised I weight 60 Kg and measure 163 cm (though the nurse wrote down 165 so I wont feel midget-ish, lol). My plan is to go down to 55 Kg and keep it and I must say that being on liquid diet for few months sounds like the perfect chance for doing it 😉

In hospital with Gackt

The night before my surgery was strangely calm. I was given Diazepam in the evening, so I would not stress myself and could sleep well but it merely put me into a strange thinking mood with totally relaxed body and clear mind. Felt like a meditation more than anything else.

It was silent in the hospital. The younger children were given tranquilizers, so they could sleep peacefully, especially because some of them had their surgeries in Thursday, the day before me.

There were 3 other patients in my room. One was a young girl about 10, who did not seem to like me at all, she was to be released on Friday and one 21 years old, who was also long after her surgery and should go home the next day as well. The third was freshly operated on girl who was about 17, and was in a deep sleep when I arrived to hospital. She just returned from her wisdom teeth removal, which seems to be the most common procedure performed here on teens and adults. They perform it under general anaesthesia with sewing and all.

I could see the nurse slip into the room carrying a flashlight and checking on her about twice an hour and giving her different medication in infusion bottles every few hours. I was pretending to be asleep when she was around, because I did not want to be given stronger sleeping pill – I knew I will be drugged heavily the next day, no need to add to it.

I was listening to Gackt’s music on my small MP3 player, letting his ballads from Seventh Night Unplugged and Love Letter CD’s wash over me and keep me company. When I think about it, these two CDs are almost perfect pre-surgery music – they are calming, deep, gentle. There is something in them that I can not grasp exactly, but that really helped me to not stress myself over the next day’s issues.

So I was there. Lying in a metal bed in the biggest hospital in Prague, surrounded by patients and nurses preparing mentally for the surgery that had to take place at 8:15 the next morning, while listening to Gackt’s deep voice. To be honest, the idea that something might get wrong and I might not wake up from my general anaesthesia crossed my mind few times, but I was decided and there was no way out of it. Strangely, I did not even fear it much.

I fell asleep around 1 or 2 am and woke up at about 4 am to Gackt’s song Oasis. My battery decided to die few minutes after in the middle of the song, but I was too tired to switch it, so I just put the MP3 player aside and fell asleep again. Without the music, falling asleep was a little harsher, because I started worrying a little. Anyway, I was too tired to panic anyway, so I managed to sleep till 5 am when the nurse woke me up for another Diazepam and 6 am for temperature check. I had 36 celsius, which is quite low, but then, I am a mutated vampire thingy anyway 😉

I knew I will be in the surgery room in few hours, so I did not go asleep again as the other girls in my room did, but instead started preparing myself. I took a long hot shower, brushed my teeth several times using a lot of herbal toothpaste to prevent any possible post surgery infection, tied up my hair and such. I also sorted my things in my cabinet next to bed (just in case I thought) and then laid down with a book and was waiting for the nurse to come with premedication injections.

The surgery

She appeared at about 7:30 and I had to change to white surgery nightie called “angel” in our hospital – it is the coat like thing with naked back. If you ask me, it felt like loose straight jacket, lol. The nurse also bandaged my legs all the way up to my crotch to prevent possible thrombosis from the surgery. Then it was quick. I got two premedication injections, the doctors came to visit me and other patients and then told me it is time and asked me if I have some further questions or something, if I am afraid and such. I told them I am fine and know everything I need, so I was taken to the 6th floor (6,5 floors up) to a huge surgery room. They carried me from my bed to the operating table and I had to strip and was covered by a sterile green blanket thingy. They also fastened a belt around my waist and arms, so I would not fall down.

The worst part was about to come. Canylla’s and transfusion/infusion needles and monitoring. I have really thin veins that tend to rupture, so it took 5 or 6 very painful tries until they hit the right vein that let the needle stay in. They also needed to use the thinnest canylla they had, because anything else did not work. The canylla’s are located on my hand between the fingers and wrist and to be honest, it hurts quite a lot there, even if I am use to have blood taken from that. I was about to cry, when they repeated that my vein ripped again and they need to try again, but somebody held my hand and was caressing it and saying it will be fine. I have no idea who it was, I do not know even if it was male or female, but it felt nice and the last try worked. Before I could look at the person, I got my general anaesthesia and fell asleep.

Waking up

I woke up about 5 hours later in a new room. I got a single room right across the nurses’ station, so if anything happened, they could come immediately. I was one of the heavier surgery patients, not really a wisdom tooth removal one who can go home in 2-3 days.

First things I realised were two thick canylla’s in each of my hand and infusion with something dripping into my vein. My head and jaws hurt like hell, I could not feel my upper teeth and felt like I was run over by an angry bull in heat. All I could taste was disinfection, flood in my mouth and my lips and that my lips were totally dry and sore.

It hurt so much I could not even cry, so I was just whining like a beaten puppy. I was also still heavily drugged, so I could not control myself too well. My nose was bleeding heavily and I was sure something must have gone terribly terribly wrong. I was told it was a minor surgery and no big deal and now….

Waking up again

Fortunately, I fell asleep very soon after the first real awakening and while I was taking the additional sleep, the strong painkillers did their work. I woke up to get another infusion of painkillers, then a shot to stop my bleeding and another against swelling. Then large bottle of antibiotics and then canylla cleaning and sealing something. I think they called it heparine closing. When the infusions stopped, I was feeling quite fine actually. Nothing hurt at all, except opening my mouth too much or trying to smile – if I stayed calm, I felt almost like I had no surgery. My nose was still bleeding (I think they used the right nostril for intubation, because it continued bleeding time to time for about 3 days). I was swollen and somewhat sore, but quite fine.

The first shock totally wore off and I realised I had 3 large incisions in my mouth instead of the planned one (or one and two tiny ones). That was the reason for the horrible first awakening. Due to my unusual condition (Crouzon Syndrome and almost cleft palate), they had to modify the approach during the surgery and also try if the Hyrax screw works and opened it the whole way to check if the teeth will match and all. So, my SARPE with Le Forte I was finished well.

Anyway, except for the painful canylla’s (damn my bad veins once more), I felt great compared to what I expected. I had almost no bruising and the only major thing that kept worrying me was the huge nosebleed (and yes, I did not want my pajama’s with teddy bears stained too, lol). My surgeon stopped by to check on me and said the nosebleed was expected and will stop soonish and if not, that I will get medication into my nose. I did not want that, so I kept using small soft tissues to drain the blood out of the nose and slowly it dried up and was starting only when I moved quickly or elevated my head too much.

I finished reading the book, went through dozens of infusions and was forced to drink at least 10 glasses of tea. That was the requirement or I would get some additional infusions which I did not want. I managed to drink 12 during the day, which paid off and unlike other patients, I had no fever the next day. Going to toilet was a holy quest, but I managed it alone, even if keeping close to the walls. My head was spinning and I could not sleep until 0:30 am, but since I was on a single room, the nurse let me read my book and just kept checking on me. I started reading a third book and was listening to Gackt, Loreena McKennit, October Project and a CD called Songs for the free birds. Most of it was Gackt. I just love his deep voice, especially when I am not feeling well.

Also immediately when I could, I asked for my phone and texted grandmother and my friends that I am still alive and that I am fine. I did not mention the bad first awakening, no reason to scare them and have them worried.

I got sponge biscuits to drip in tea and water-blended baby food apple thingy to eat for dinner. Drinking was ok before, but as I realised, eating was an ordeal. The apples made my palate and whole mouth sore after first few spoons. I ate just about half of it and then some of the water softened biscuits, but at least something. When I did, I stopped feeling sick and my stomach calmed down, so it was good for something.

As for funny moments, I happened to lie on my nurse bell two times and started the emergency call for sisters. I felt so stupid, especially when it happened the second time. But I also needed to have it close to me in case something really happened and I needed the nurse or doctor immediately.

Saturday

Saturday was uneventful. I am not allowed to blow my nose for 4 weeks, so I had to learn how to softly clean it using rolled tissues and such things. I had some hard time with the nosebleeds (and hiding it’s severity from my surgeon who wanted to check it properly = ouch!), but I managed it all somehow. Also sneezing would be really bad for me (one bad sneeze could rip my wound and stitches and keep me in hospital at least a week longer), so I had to learn how to prevent it.

(Oh, damn, nosebleed incoming. Let me stick tissues into my nostrils so we can continue… ok, good now. Hmm, for some reason, I can not stop thinking about Mr. Bean while I am walking around the hospital with huge white tissues in my nose ;))

Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes. I could also eat a normal breakfast (well, if you call a very liquid puree or what it was a normal breakfast) and was allowed to have my right unused canylla removed. Actually it was the less painful one, but when the nurse tried to give me infusions through it, it was stinging like hell, so they decided they will remove it, so I won’t get vein inflammation.

The doctor checked my incisions and stitches (I was dead by fear as I expected something nasty and painful coming) and just praised me for doing well. My stitches and incisions were totally clean, no inflammation, healing and closing well and I had no fever. I had to start cleaning my teeth from that moment, which showed to be quite difficult, provided that I can not feel them, nor can I properly open my mouth. But I was (and still am) doing my best, using a mirror for reference. I also got chamomile extract for rinsing.

I could sleep well on Sunday. The only thing was that I had to wake up for infusions during the night, because my canylla seemed a little blocked and I had to hold my hand in a specific position to be able to get the medications without having to remove and attach the canylla once more (which would mean more tries in my case and I did not want that). Midnight infusion was the scariest one – the canylla got blocked totally, but a brave nurse pressed the infusion bag a little and cleaned it. Ouch! Very very very ouch! But it saved me from having the needle reattached, so bless her.

Oh, I almost forgot. My grandmother and my boyfriend came to visit me today, which was really sweet of them. My bf even brought me my notebook and games. How can one not love that guy? 😉

Funny moments: When the nurse came at midnight, I almost jumped out of my bed saying: “Oh, it is morning already?! Oh my gosh, it is morning!” and she had to put me back to the bed and explain that I am just getting antibiotics and that the light is the lamp above me.

Post-op sarpe profile

Post-op sarpe

Canyla

Not much swelling yet

Right canyla removed

 

Sunday

Today. Well, what can I say? Well, my painkillers stopped being served. Ouch. I can feel the incisions, but I am getting pills, so it is not so bad. I feel the wound fully for the first time (except the first awakening) and it is sore and tense, but no big deal unless I smile, talk or eat. Oh, rinsing and tooth brushing is a little painful too, but bearable.

I got called for check and one of the doctors cleaned the wound and stitches using… well… peroxide. OUCH! Hurts. I was trying to be brave, but one of the nurses told the doctor I am not as fine as I say and that I asked for painkillers in the morning, hmmm…

If things go well, I can have my second canylla removed on Monday and finally take a proper shower and wash my hair.

Also I should have an appointment with a renomed plastic surgeon who is working with my main reconstructive surgeon very often and would not mind to give some advices for my second and third surgery in the future – which, if things go well, could be even blended in one.

Funny moments: People are starting to call me teddy-bear thanks to my super cute and very infantile pajama covered with yellow teddy bear pictures.

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Strange facts:

Strong antibiotics work for my acne. No new acne appeared, even if my face was violated in many horrible ways during the surgery and I really expected a huge breakout. I wish it stayed so clear and rosy. (Update from 1 month post op: The acne is back :()

You can get vein inflammation if you feel that your canylla hurts. Be careful about that and tell it to your doc if it happens.

If you are all swollen and fed hamster like looking and your bf comes in and says “oh, you look different, somehow better”, do not kill him. He probably just thinks you had something else done and wants to be nice, lol 🙂

Pics:

 

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So, you wonder why I started this blog and why I inted to bother you with my mundane experiences? Do yo have a burning desire to come out of the clo… err, I mean to get this information? Fine, have it.I was born with Crouzon syndrome and managed to survive 25 years with it. As for now, I decided I do not want to live like that anymore. I do not want to be turned down at job reviews because of the way I look, I do not want to be considered a retard by people who see me for the first time. I do not want to be “different”, which is most of the time another word for ugly.
So I set up for this journey. A journey that should help me change my visage as well as treat my health problems caused by a congenital syndrome. It will not be easy, but I believe that things will be well in the end and it will be worth the ordeal.

I hope that this blog could help people who suffer from similar problems that I do and maybe might help them to decide to change their situation as I did.

Here are some pictures to show how I look by now.

mepicture-112.jpgpicture-111.jpgpicture-117.jpgpicture-059.jpgpicture-060.jpg


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