Archive for the ‘Health’ Category

I did not write much lately, but hey, nothing major was happening in my life and I would not like to keep ranting about hot chocolate and blended food, lol.

I have been obsessed by a screenplay that I am working on last few days. I had idea for few scenes written down months ago, sometime last year, but just few funny scenes. I have been looking for material for a movie written for one exact person and the main char who I drafted that time just fit him. I could imagine him in the scene. The char fit. I had to change a lot from my old concept and gave the story different twist and changed the plot a lot (the draft was for a play or just short story for some anthology), but overally I am really happy with the whole thing. I am just writing down notes for the plot and story, which I want to show to my friend who is coming from Japan this wednesday. He is a movie director, producer and scriptwriter who is in the field for a loooooong time, so I would like to have his opinion before he vanishes back to Japan. (He does not know yet, lol. Poor poor guy ;))

I also had an interesting saturday morning. I have been waken up by some weird noise. First, I thought there was a big butterfly on the window, but in this weather? Then I found out it was a Great tit who got in through a tiny ventilation hole and got trapped in the room. It was throwing itself against the window, trying to get out. So I had to catch it carefully and release it. It was really strange.

Anyway, I am still having some tootache and migraines, but overally I feel quite well. Also all my stitches are out by now and I am not swolen at all anymore. Have a scary photo of me and the gap of hope and wonders (Charlie the unicorn anyone? πŸ˜‰):

Scary photo of me and the gap of hopes and wonders


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Just a short post. I am almost 1 month post op, so here are my photos. I am still somehow swollen, my mouth seems asymetric due to the nasty openbite and gap between teeth, but I think there are some improvements already. Unfortunately, my acne came back, gah!

But the biggest improvement is… I CAN BREATHE THROUGH MY NOSE WITH NO PROBLEMS, YAY!!!

Profile before

Profile after

Front view before

Front view after

Smile before

Smile after

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I was visiting my doctor today. She checked me up and we had a long talk about my close future. Obviously, she got papers from the hospital and they were really long detailed ones. We talked about the whole surgical plan and about my other 2 (actually maybe 3 :() planned surgeries.

I am currently jobless and in a way, I love it, because I do not have to hurry and overstrain myself at work, but I feel that I should be doing something for my career. There is so much I would like to archieve.

But going to an interview is not an option for me. I can not speak properly, I look horribly, not to mention I can not carry heavy things or overstrain myself. So I can not do a job I am qualified for, I can not do jobs that require manual work… and going to interviews for editor/writer position will be of no use, because honestly, noone finds a seriously lisping creature with a huge gap between her teeth and un-closable mouth a perfect colleague, lol. And then there is the pain – normally it is ok, but I am still having some bad moments. (But hey, I can at least breathe through my nose without problems! Hire me? Please? Pretty please?)

I am now on some sort of sick leave after the surgery, but my doctor told me, that I could have problems with the employment office where I am registered, if she leaves me at the sick leave too long. Honestly. Does it have any sense to take a job, if I am 100% sure I have to go to doctors every now and then? (My next visit is in 14 days, but when braced and starting the preparation for 2nd surgery, I will be there at least once a week which usually takes few hours) Not to mention I am sure I will be on sick leave again after the surgery. My health is a funny thing – I heal quite well, but I keep getting rare complications. Honestly, if I grew frog’s legs or rhino horn after my next surgery, I would not be surprised, lol.

So, my doctor things I should ask for a sort of disability pension until the surgeries are done. She says I am in such a state, that it should be possible. Honestly… I do not know. It definitively is an option that would make my life easier, but then… disability? Getting disabled after facial surgery, now that is rich. Anyway, I can not say I am not thinking about it. It would be nice to just go through the surgeries without any worries about job, getting back to work or getting scolded by the employment office for being on sick leave for too long. So… well, I might get legally disabled for a while – about a year.

Thanks to the Gackt surprise yesterday, I forgot to share what happened to me lately. I visited the hospital and an orthodontist had a look at my palate and teeth (my ortho was somewhere away, I think some congress) and said everything was ok. Even if the halves of my palate are uneven and there is a 2mm step-off in the middle. She says they will correct it by fixed braces. The band that looked like it was slipping off my last molar seems to be ok to her and she says there is no way of preventing it from cutting my cheek. Great. I will just help myself as I did before, gah. When I said that the step-off in the middle of palate hurts, she poked it. OUCH! Then she took this dental hook that they use to probe teeth for cavities with and… I got all pale and was prepared to bite her fingers off if she tries to poke the palate and the bone, but she did not in the end. Anyway, no help from them, gah. I am sure it is some sort of rare complication as usually… and that as usually, they will find out too late. For some reason, I am somehow resigning to it.Β  I am really tired of it to be honest.

I also had a nightmarish experience this Wednesday. I went to help gran to bring some apples from her friend’s garden. I would not normally try to overstrain myself like that, but I just could not let the old lady carry them. Anyway, when we went there, the woman’s dog was running behind the fence and barking. I asked the woman if she could lock him in his kennel just for a while, explaining that I am after surgery and if he jumped at me or something, I might have serious problems. Gran said he wont do anything to me, but I was decided to not get in until he is away. That is when it happened. The old lady went to lock him, but he ran away from her and as my gran was telling me to go in, she left the gate open. The dog, a huge yellow mix of Irish wolfhound and something just a little smaller, ran out of the garden and… it attacked me. I have no idea why, maybe it felt that I feared it. Anyway, I just managed to scream and turn to the fence quickly and the next moment I had a huge creature on my back, growling, barking and baring it’s teeth. He did not bite me, but I got some nasty scratches from his claws. The worst was, his weight knocked me against the fence and gate. Only thanks to good luck, I did not smash my face against it. When they caught him and dragged him away, I was so scared I was shaking all over and could not calm down for a while. I remember saying something about “Fucking bloodthirsty beast”, lol. The lady said that the dog never ever attacked anyone before like this. I guess it is just my damn bad luck then.

Anyway, in the end, I am whole and so is my jaw. Nothing really serious happened to me. The next time any dog will try to do something similar, I will bite him too. Oh, damn… wait… I can not bite him with my upper jaw like this… hmm… ok, next time I will drop my jaw and use it to slice his throat open then, lol. Now that would be scary.

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Ok, I am being really nervous here. The missbehaving band is still on, which is good, but my Hyrax is troubling me. I should have 7mm screw in it, that turns 0,2 mm every turn. Ooook… now, I turned it 37 times. Yes, that means 7,4 mm in total. I am really worried about this and so I kept thinking the whole day if I should or should not keep turning (some call it cranking?).

Just a minute ago, I decided I wont even try to turn it any further. I am worried that the screw could be a mallfunctioning one without the proper safety stop (yes, maybe I am just paranoid), so I wont try to dare my luck and get another “rare complication”.

Now when I think about it… I am a walking rare complication museum for my whole life, lol. Maybe I should charge for entrance. Wait… nah, that would make me a prostitute πŸ˜‰

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Last few days have been quite uneventful. I went home (home as gran’s place in a tiny mountain village). The way home was quite tiring, so I am resting a lot and just healing.

The only thing that worries me isΒ  one of my bands. It seems that it is getting a little loose and I really hope it wont get loose sooner than I get to see my dentist this thursday, since I am more than 4 hours away with really bad bus/train connection.Β  The problems started tonight. I woke up in serious pain and realised I am clenching my teeth. Since they connect only on the place where this problematic band is located, I probably did something to it. The band reaches a little over my teeth, because they are very short vertically (thanks to my mutated gums, lol).

As I kept turning today (will there ever be end to the turning?), the tooth was very sore and the band looks like it is about to slip off the tooth, but not completely. More like the end of the band moved by about 1mm over the tooth’s top and stopped there. I am really worried that it might come off, but it looks like it is stuck there and almost like it was still properly glued… so I hope it can hold till thursday, or dare I say, even longer?!

I am not eating much, because my nerves are regenerating quite rapidly and I am getting more sensation. Which,Β  at this moment, means that my teeth are sore and my palate is sore and touchy as well. But painkillers are working, so they can block most of it.

I am quite glad I did not get the Disney job actually (even if I really wanted to get it and would accept if they offered it to me anytime), because it means more time for healing and getting better. I can also see some minor changes in my face – the mouth, a little more fulness, a little straighter nose and a little change in the cheek/eye area. I must say I quite like them. I hate my bite and my teeth at the moment, but that should be sorted once I get my braces in 2 months.

Have a fresh photo of me:

Ah, wait… I take that back. Forget it. That was my early morning before cafe photo taken by hidden camera… oh damn, now everyone knows.

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Ok, yesterday was a real nightmare that lasted till today’s morning. When my bf came home from work, I was sitting there and shaking, having some sort of shock from another microfracture of the palate. I do not know if I was more scared or in pain or just feeling like the most unlucky being ever, knowing that I feel a lot of pressure on another place of my palate and awaiting another “CRACK!” and everything that comes with it. I did not eat almost anything and could not drink much either after the second fracture forming. Also my cheek got swollen and my right eye hurt a lot.

Seriously, I thought I might die that night and told my bf to call my grandmother and best friend if something happened. Silly, I know. But then, I felt really miserable.

Bf came home and stayed by my bed till I went to sleep. I swallowed another painkillers and tried to sleep, but kept waking up. One of the reasons was the pain, another one was that I knew that another place of my palate will “loosen itself”(as the doc claims) and wanted it to happen while I am sleeping – so I was stressing myself a lot. I woke up at night about 20 times, maybe more. Also sleeping on my back and being scared to turn to the side, as I usually sleep, did not help.

I swallowed another painkiller at 5am and finally fell asleep, to be woken up by bf’s creepy alarm clock at 7am. (I swear I am gonna kill that guy one fateful morning!) I could not sleep anymore, but strangely enough, I could not feel any more pressure on my jaw and the pain was going away as well. Probably, the fracture formed sometime from 5am to 7am when I was sleeping and under Ibalgin. I am glad I did not have to hear another “Crack! Your skull is tearing, just relax… it is normal…” πŸ˜‰

I had a huge dilemma this morning, because I did not brush my teeth for one whole day and night and I should keep very strict oral hygiene, but then the first and biggest fracture came when I tried to rinse my mouth while cleaning my teeth, so I was quite scared to touch them. I knew the doc would scold me if I did not, so I at least brushed them a little, but stopped when it started to hurt.

I took bus and subway to the hospital (took 1 hour because of traffic jam) and got checked up. My doc teamed up with 2 younger doctors who seemed like her pupils and examined my mouth and teeth. She listened to my story about yesterday and saw the paper from the chief doctor (who is also one of my surgeons), but dismissed the idea with “No bones broke. It just does not happen. No bones ever broke in my patients, there is nothing that could break in there.” Ah, uh… yeah, right… I mean, ehm… ok then…

After a while, she agreed there could be some pressure on the bone and the bone could have loosened a little where they did not cut into the end and so the bone loosened till the end and… and… in other words, agreed that there probably are microfractures and the bone broke under the pressure. She said that they would not see anything on the x-ray and refused to do one. But since I feel way better today, I think it wont be necessary. I hope.

Now, my doctor is a scary woman, but she knows what she is doing (even if she has subtlety of a brick). The other 2 docs were probably even scarier in their own way – especially one of them, who examined my mouth and suggested another surgery consisting of bone breaking and another distraction, this time to gain length. My doc smiled at him and said “Yeah, right, this way we create a delightful cleft patient.” Sometimes I wonder, if these docs ever get to operate on anyone… I feel sorry for the poor poor bastard.

Anyway, she explained to them, that she will prepare my teeth for the next surgery using braces and elastics. Then she said we will need Bimaxillary surgery. Ehm… wait! Nobody told me about it! Till I started the treatment, they kept talking only about the upper jaw and Le Fort I advancement. Now… what a delightful news…

So, my plan changed quite drastically. I will need not only Le Fort I on the upper jaw, but also some sort of surgery on the lower one, that will change the angle of my lower jaw. The good part is, that I should not need genioplasty if they do this surgery, because it will turn my chin the right way. The bad is… damn it, both jaws broken and fixated by titanium plates, braces on both jaws for ages… not to mention the whole inside of my mouth full of incisions and swollen. Does not look like a small thing. I have been always scared of lower lip ptosis (my brother and mother suffer from them after their surgeries). I really hope I at least won’t have THAT complication.

Anyway, my screw was turned by my doc and it did not hurt much, so I suppose the bone(s) loosened the right way and it will stay like this with no more complications anymore.

By the way, while seeing my huge teeth with huge gap between them, I am getting a wicked idea about posing with a force cup (toilet plunge?) while screaming “DAAAA!” as a living Raving Rabbid πŸ™‚ Yes, I know it is silly. But it is not so delightfully crazy that one just has to do it? πŸ˜‰

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Sorry for the delay, I was not feeling well. Delayed post surgery shock creeped on me and I also happened to have stomach problems and headache, so I spent most of my time in bed. I just would like to say that this is not a common complication and even doctors were surprised.

We also started turning the screw by 0,2 mm 3 times every day.

I was really scared when we were about to turn it the first time, especially because I overally felt very bad and was not in mood for another pain/nuisance. After the checkup from doctors Thursday morning, they called me “to the chair” (yes, THAT nasty mean evil dentist chair of dread, lol) and my dentist came to instruct me and turn the screw. The turning went strangely smooth. It did not hurt much, but created a lot of pressure on the Hyrax and therefore also on my teeth and palate. I had a really weird feeling in between my front teeth, where the gap was to form later and also felt a little sick from the pressure, but nothing major. Overally, I was happy everything goes so well.

The pressure and irritated feeling stopped after about 2 hours (or maybe I got used to them?) and after 5 hours, I was prepared for another turning. After 4 turns, I was fine and did not get sick-ish from it anymore.

I had to turn it the first time by myself yesterday and to be honest, I was surprised that you have to use a lot of power to turn the screw, yet it does not hurt. I had problem with my Hyrax key (long and good for the docs to use, but not too good for turning the Hyrax on yourself), so an older doctor came and thought out a way for me. I got a tiny finger key that I can quite easily slip into my mouth and direct to the right place just by my fingertips.

A little unpleasant was, when the doc was not sure if we were turning it the right way so far, because my Hyrax is customized and different from the usual one. So he tried to turn it the other way. OUCH! It was not pleasant. It was not nice. It was… well…I could feel the osteotomized bones being pushed to each other. Luckily, he realized it immediately and returned it to previous position. I think I should bite his fingers off or something for that πŸ˜‰

He managed to mess it up a little later again, when he did not realize I have stiched incisions on the inner side of my whole upper lip and lifted it to check it. I gave out a loud “OUCH!” and he winced and said “Oops, sorry.”

But overally, he helped me a lot by checking my palate etc. and telling me everything goes as planned. Also I could have difficulties with my long key, if he did not give me that tiny one and show me how to use it.

So, I am turning on my own now, the doctor just checks if everything is ok. My palate is wider by cca 3 mm by now and expanding. I got a huge gap in between my front teeth and they look crooked, but that is how it will be until they move a little by themselves.

What I hate about staying in hospital is food. I have liquid diet (and will for more 6 weeks at least) and so I am getting really weird stuff. The thing I get for breakfeast is the very same every day. I managed to eat it for 5 days, not anymore. Looks like some sort of very liquid sweet mixture of something in milk. No other flavor except for being milky sweet.

Other food tends to be ok. They usually take what the other patients get for dinner and just mix/mash my portion. The result is usually grey-brown-yellow-ish mixture of strange consistence and even stranger taste, which I usually distinguish as 1) sweet 2)salty 3)salty with something added to it. When the food is mashed into this weird paste, you know what it is, but the tastes are so melted one into each other that it becomes one of the 3.

Anyway, I asked gran for cucumber salad yesterday (very very softly grinded) and enjoyed a tasty meal for the first time this week. I never thought I would be so happy from something as tiny as this.

Another wave of joy came when I realized I can finally move my upper lip again. Yay! I was bouncing around other patients and telling them and showing them, lol. I feel like everything is getting only better now.

If things go well, I will be released from hospital soon. If you have any questions or comments, you are welcome πŸ™‚

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