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Yup, this is the oficial title for my story. I managed to break the gray wall of writers block and moved with the story. I do not say it is perfect yet, but with a lot of editing, cutting off and adding, the first third of the story is done. 30+ pages so far and the story started flowing again.

I decided to call it Kiseki – Miracle, because the main theme is hope and a miracle is, what started all the things and allowed the main characters to live in a way they would never be able to experience without it. When you think about it, just living a life is a miracle… and if you are living on borrowed time like Jun, my main protagonist, its even more true.

The funny thing is, that what made me able to continue with it was listening to this song from Miyavi. Its called Kimi ni negai wo. I dislike the clip, but the song is very nice.

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Ok, some of you know I am a huge fan of Gackt.

Now, today, my best friend called me and told me, that Gackt has been in Prague. He shot photos for his calendar there. Gyah! He visited Prague and I have not been there! Now I wish I knew earlier, but it was probably some top secret action, because nobody had the info till now.

For some reason, I am really upset. When I was an exchange student in Japan, I probably lived about a block away from him and did not know till the last week or so. Now, he comes to my city and guess what? Yeah, I had no idea. >___<

I think I do not have to mention, that I would give almost anything to meet him in person, right?

Anyway, have a photo of Gackt in Prague. Now if you excuse me, I am gonna find that spot by the river, buy it and build a shrine there, lol.

Gackt in Prague

Gackt callendar 2008

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So, I got up at 6 am today and took buss from gran’s home to Prague. This weekend was really great. We were having some argues with my gran lately, mostly because she was nagging no matter what I did, which frustrated me a lot, but nothing like that happened this time. I think that the thing that helped the most was, that I took time and red a lot of articles and studies about old people and behaviour changes that come with old age. I learned how to avoid an argue and how to stop before she manages to stress me enough to snap. It works and I highly recomend reading sites about caring, especially advices for carers who have to manage caring and own life/daily job, to anyone, who could have similar problems.

Anyway, I made my last round around doctors today, getting my x-rays (oooh, my rib cage is sssooo pwetty!) and a spare asthma inhalator, just in case.

My blood tests are done, my examinations are done and summed up by my doctor, I have the x-rays , I have my CTs and teeth x-rays, the Hyrax is on. I am really hoping nothing gets wrong this time and the surgery will be performed as planned.

(Just a note: My teeth do not hurt at all anymore and I learned how to eat with the Hyrax. I can not eat anything hard though, because the metal bands are too close to my gums and if I chow anything harder, they will irritate the gums. Anyway, I magaged to eat a piece of chicken and enjoyed every second of it ;))

Now to the musing part.

Some of you (who red my posts on plastic surgery forums) , know, that I spent a lot of time thining about how I should look after my journey is at it’s end and fearing that I might end up with facial features that I might hate. As an abused child (yeah, I do not really want to talk about details much, ok? 😦 ), there are some facial features that I might have hard time to get used to – as they would bring bad memories every time I would see myself in the mirror.

A friend of mine once asked: “You love asia and your face is flat-ish anyway. Why do not ask your doctor to give you asian features?” She then explained that I might benefit from bigger high cheekbones, similar to what chinese or japanese women tend to have.

That was what triggered something in me. To be honest, if somebody asked me what beauty is, I would probably explain by showing them a picture of an asian person with lovely eyes, high cheekbones, full temples, full lips and nice small chin. All the traits I lack. I do not think I could manage something like that, still, that is where my perception of beauty lies. Silly, I know.

I never had the usual perception of beauty common to my friends. I never wanted to look like Spice girls clone, never wanted a tiny upturned nose (actually the thought scares me) or full round apple cheeks or whatever. But when I started to be interested in Japan and then lived there for a while, it just clicked. That was where my perception of beauty lied. In delicate harmonic faces – asian faces.

But then, how could I come to my doctor, who spends most of his time repairing really serious defects, to which are mine minor, and say “Hey, you know, how about asian cheekbones? Good idea, ne?” Damn, I do not even know if it is or isn’s a good idea, not to mention he would think that I am actually asking him to redo me to asian with the eyes and all.

Ok, I would love to have these features, but I can live without them just fine. The question is what all can I do with my face without going too far, looking silly or undergoing meaningless surgeries. I am used to look less than average and to be honest, almost anything will be improvement unless an accident happens (like accidentally dipping my head in a barel of acid, lol). Still, I would love to look more than just a little better and if I was able to plan these things, it would be great.

Anyway, if there was a machine that could just redo me to my liking, I would probably choose to look like someone similar to this person, even though he is male. (Damn, he looks 100% more feminine than me ;))

GacktGackt profile

Gackt

Or maybe I would just become a manga character look-alike. I wish it was so easy…

Zack profile

Crisis Core Zack

Aerith

Well, enough musing about such things. I need to pack my things and prepare for my stay in hospital, which should be about 5-7 days with the surgery on Friday morning (GMT time). This surgery will be the real start of my long run, so wish me luck.

Anyway, as an apology for my meaningless ranting, have a confused rabbid maid.

Rabbid maid

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