Archive for September, 2007

Ok, yesterday was a real nightmare that lasted till today’s morning. When my bf came home from work, I was sitting there and shaking, having some sort of shock from another microfracture of the palate. I do not know if I was more scared or in pain or just feeling like the most unlucky being ever, knowing that I feel a lot of pressure on another place of my palate and awaiting another “CRACK!” and everything that comes with it. I did not eat almost anything and could not drink much either after the second fracture forming. Also my cheek got swollen and my right eye hurt a lot.

Seriously, I thought I might die that night and told my bf to call my grandmother and best friend if something happened. Silly, I know. But then, I felt really miserable.

Bf came home and stayed by my bed till I went to sleep. I swallowed another painkillers and tried to sleep, but kept waking up. One of the reasons was the pain, another one was that I knew that another place of my palate will “loosen itself”(as the doc claims) and wanted it to happen while I am sleeping – so I was stressing myself a lot. I woke up at night about 20 times, maybe more. Also sleeping on my back and being scared to turn to the side, as I usually sleep, did not help.

I swallowed another painkiller at 5am and finally fell asleep, to be woken up by bf’s creepy alarm clock at 7am. (I swear I am gonna kill that guy one fateful morning!) I could not sleep anymore, but strangely enough, I could not feel any more pressure on my jaw and the pain was going away as well. Probably, the fracture formed sometime from 5am to 7am when I was sleeping and under Ibalgin. I am glad I did not have to hear another “Crack! Your skull is tearing, just relax… it is normal…” ๐Ÿ˜‰

I had a huge dilemma this morning, because I did not brush my teeth for one whole day and night and I should keep very strict oral hygiene, but then the first and biggest fracture came when I tried to rinse my mouth while cleaning my teeth, so I was quite scared to touch them. I knew the doc would scold me if I did not, so I at least brushed them a little, but stopped when it started to hurt.

I took bus and subway to the hospital (took 1 hour because of traffic jam) and got checked up. My doc teamed up with 2 younger doctors who seemed like her pupils and examined my mouth and teeth. She listened to my story about yesterday and saw the paper from the chief doctor (who is also one of my surgeons), but dismissed the idea with “No bones broke. It just does not happen. No bones ever broke in my patients, there is nothing that could break in there.” Ah, uh… yeah, right… I mean, ehm… ok then…

After a while, she agreed there could be some pressure on the bone and the bone could have loosened a little where they did not cut into the end and so the bone loosened till the end and… and… in other words, agreed that there probably are microfractures and the bone broke under the pressure. She said that they would not see anything on the x-ray and refused to do one. But since I feel way better today, I think it wont be necessary. I hope.

Now, my doctor is a scary woman, but she knows what she is doing (even if she has subtlety of a brick). The other 2 docs were probably even scarier in their own way – especially one of them, who examined my mouth and suggested another surgery consisting of bone breaking and another distraction, this time to gain length. My doc smiled at him and said “Yeah, right, this way we create a delightful cleft patient.” Sometimes I wonder, if these docs ever get to operate on anyone… I feel sorry for the poor poor bastard.

Anyway, she explained to them, that she will prepare my teeth for the next surgery using braces and elastics. Then she said we will need Bimaxillary surgery. Ehm… wait! Nobody told me about it! Till I started the treatment, they kept talking only about the upper jaw and Le Fort I advancement. Now… what a delightful news…

So, my plan changed quite drastically. I will need not only Le Fort I on the upper jaw, but also some sort of surgery on the lower one, that will change the angle of my lower jaw. The good part is, that I should not need genioplasty if they do this surgery, because it will turn my chin the right way. The bad is… damn it, both jaws broken and fixated by titanium plates, braces on both jaws for ages… not to mention the whole inside of my mouth full of incisions and swollen. Does not look like a small thing. I have been always scared of lower lip ptosis (my brother and mother suffer from them after their surgeries). I really hope I at least won’t have THAT complication.

Anyway, my screw was turned by my doc and it did not hurt much, so I suppose the bone(s) loosened the right way and it will stay like this with no more complications anymore.

By the way, while seeing my huge teeth with huge gap between them, I am getting a wicked idea about posing with a force cup (toilet plunge?) while screaming “DAAAA!” as a living Raving Rabbid ๐Ÿ™‚ Yes, I know it is silly. But it is not so delightfully crazy that one just has to do it? ๐Ÿ˜‰

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Ok, today did not go well. Not at all.

I woke up at 9am to brush my teeth and turn the screw. I wanted to go to sleep a little more after, but things went terribly wrong.

As I was brushing my teeth, I felt sharp pain that came with something breaking inside of my mouth with the nasty “CRACK!” sound. The pain became even worse in few seconds and I could feel the inside of my palate move. A lot of pressure, a lot of pain.

I panicked.

At first, I thought the Hyrax broke or one of the rings around my teeth broke or for gods sake at least only a tooth broke…. but nothing of that happened and the pain and pressure did not cease.

I called my bf to work and gibbered something about something breaking and going to hospital, grabbed the few things I thought I might need if they needed to hospitalise me again and rushed to hospital (taking subway and bus, it took about 30 minutes) .

I contacted one of the nurses there and she sent me to chief doctor who was doing consultations in another part of hospital. I went there and was waiting for about 15-20 minutes, thinking that my bones broke and I will need another surgery. It was the worst time of my life.

He had a look at my palate and teeth and listened to my panicked description of the whole incident and then told me, that my bone broke, but that it happens sometimes. He explained, that after they perform the osteotomy, they leave your jaw held by about 4 places – under your nose (where it is flexible and stretches) and on the end of the jaw. The place on my right jaw broke. The pressure from Hyrax broke the bone there. Scary, is it not? But he says it is ok, they call it wing loosening, it happens sometimes, no big deal… right? *nervous twitch*

My fractureย ย  candarpain.JPG

To be honest, I am calmer, because I know nothing totally absolutely nasty happened, but then… I do not care if it is ok for the doctors! It is fracture! It hurts! It feels weird!

I did not even have an x-ray and they want me to keep turning the screw. Honestly, when he turned it in hospital (because I did not in the morning, obviously), I felt like crying by pain and now I have to do it myself?

Well, since it is getting late and I am 2 hours late with the turning, I will have to do it. Probably… god I am scared…

Anyway, I swallowed one of the painkillers he gave me to take regularly and am going to turn the damn medieval toruring machine in my mouth.

Wish me luck.

Update: After long hesitationg. I turned the screw. It did not hurt so much. Not the turning itself at least. I am drugged by Ibalgin 400mg and still feel pressure and a lot of pain where the bone is broken. Looks like what happened to me is not as common as my doctor said, but it is a rare minor(-ish?) complication. I suppose he tried to not scare me, since there is nothing he can do with it if I do not want to take the hyrax off, have the bone fixed and then undergo the surgery again. I found some articles about the pressure stressing of cranial base. They are a little difficult (at least for me, because English is not my native language), but give a lot of information that most doctors wont give you.

Stresses at the Cranial Base Induced by Rapid Maxillary Expansion

Complications during Mandibular Midline Distraction

I hope this helps anyone who would have to face any complication that he/she did not know about before.

As for now, I will just relax, drink some good tea, take my painkillers and be a good little soldier.

PS: Oh… and as an delightfull add to today’s misery, I just got my rejection letter from Disney. After month of preparations, writing my entry project that they liked, interviews and such, they choose someone else for the game designer job. Well, that’s life I suppose. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

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I was released from hospital yesterday (monday, 9:30 am precisely). Yay!

I visited my best friend who is ill, so she could not visit me in hospital and we spent few ours talking, laughing and browsing papers with notes (well, drawings and jokes made during the classes) from the time when we were still classmates. I also drank a bowl of miso soup and petted kittens while there ๐Ÿ™‚

When I reached my bf’s flat, I was half dead from fatigue. Taking buss with sore jaw can be a littletiring experience, also carrying my notebook and all my things by myself did not help, so I just took shower and laid down (well, kepst switching between lying in bed and sitting by PC).

After the horrible blended food period in hospital, especially the last few days were filled with inedible grey mash thingy for food routine, a piece of bolognese pate felt like heavenly gift ๐Ÿ™‚

I woke up before 8am today. I blame the hospital routine with it’s 5am waking for pills, 6am waking for temperature check and 7 am waking for bed dressing change, hygiene and preparing for doctor’s visit at 8am. When you went to breakfeast at 8:15 or 8:30, you were not sleepy at all anymore.

Today’s turning of Hyrax screw was a little pailful on the right side (usually it was the left one) and I was a little worried, because my inner ear started hurting as well. Felt like it was all cramped somewhere deep inside, but my doctor instructed me before, that it might happen and happens when I have scars somewhere on the bone and the pressure is a little bigger on one exact spot, so I endured it and it was fine in about a hour or so.

The gap between my front teeth is HUGE! It is about 4mm by now and there are still at least 3 to go. I am visiting my dentist/orthodontist Thursday morning and she will check if I should stop turning by then or keep it. Then 3 months of stabilization and then full braces.

I also managed to talk to my reconstructive surgeon yesterday and he said my second surgery should take place sooner than in one year, as my dentist proclaimed, probably in 6 months or so. Also it will have to be split in two – fist the maxfac surgery on my upper jaw: Full Le Fort I and upper jaw advancement forward by cca 8mm. When it is done, I should have my other one done – I should get customized Porex Medpor cheekbone and orbital rim implants (worth an older car, lol). I need customized ones, because the widely sold ones would not cover my deficiency enough. I do not have to pay for the implants, because I will be clinical study subject and the implants will be donated to me by the company that distributes them in Czech republic. It of course comes with some obligations to the company, but that is fine with me ๐Ÿ™‚

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Sorry for the delay, I was not feeling well. Delayed post surgery shock creeped on me and I also happened to have stomach problems and headache, so I spent most of my time in bed. I just would like to say that this is not a common complication and even doctors were surprised.

We also started turning the screw by 0,2 mm 3 times every day.

I was really scared when we were about to turn it the first time, especially because I overally felt very bad and was not in mood for another pain/nuisance. After the checkup from doctors Thursday morning, they called me “to the chair” (yes, THAT nasty mean evil dentist chair of dread, lol) and my dentist came to instruct me and turn the screw. The turning went strangely smooth. It did not hurt much, but created a lot of pressure on the Hyrax and therefore also on my teeth and palate. I had a really weird feeling in between my front teeth, where the gap was to form later and also felt a little sick from the pressure, but nothing major. Overally, I was happy everything goes so well.

The pressure and irritated feeling stopped after about 2 hours (or maybe I got used to them?) and after 5 hours, I was prepared for another turning. After 4 turns, I was fine and did not get sick-ish from it anymore.

I had to turn it the first time by myself yesterday and to be honest, I was surprised that you have to use a lot of power to turn the screw, yet it does not hurt. I had problem with my Hyrax key (long and good for the docs to use, but not too good for turning the Hyrax on yourself), so an older doctor came and thought out a way for me. I got a tiny finger key that I can quite easily slip into my mouth and direct to the right place just by my fingertips.

A little unpleasant was, when the doc was not sure if we were turning it the right way so far, because my Hyrax is customized and different from the usual one. So he tried to turn it the other way. OUCH! It was not pleasant. It was not nice. It was… well…I could feel the osteotomized bones being pushed to each other. Luckily, he realized it immediately and returned it to previous position. I think I should bite his fingers off or something for that ๐Ÿ˜‰

He managed to mess it up a little later again, when he did not realize I have stiched incisions on the inner side of my whole upper lip and lifted it to check it. I gave out a loud “OUCH!” and he winced and said “Oops, sorry.”

But overally, he helped me a lot by checking my palate etc. and telling me everything goes as planned. Also I could have difficulties with my long key, if he did not give me that tiny one and show me how to use it.

So, I am turning on my own now, the doctor just checks if everything is ok. My palate is wider by cca 3 mm by now and expanding. I got a huge gap in between my front teeth and they look crooked, but that is how it will be until they move a little by themselves.

What I hate about staying in hospital is food. I have liquid diet (and will for more 6 weeks at least) and so I am getting really weird stuff. The thing I get for breakfeast is the very same every day. I managed to eat it for 5 days, not anymore. Looks like some sort of very liquid sweet mixture of something in milk. No other flavor except for being milky sweet.

Other food tends to be ok. They usually take what the other patients get for dinner and just mix/mash my portion. The result is usually grey-brown-yellow-ish mixture of strange consistence and even stranger taste, which I usually distinguish as 1) sweet 2)salty 3)salty with something added to it. When the food is mashed into this weird paste, you know what it is, but the tastes are so melted one into each other that it becomes one of the 3.

Anyway, I asked gran for cucumber salad yesterday (very very softly grinded) and enjoyed a tasty meal for the first time this week. I never thought I would be so happy from something as tiny as this.

Another wave of joy came when I realized I can finally move my upper lip again. Yay! I was bouncing around other patients and telling them and showing them, lol. I feel like everything is getting only better now.

If things go well, I will be released from hospital soon. If you have any questions or comments, you are welcome ๐Ÿ™‚

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Yesterday’s night was bad. Really really really bad.

I spent most of it with a finger on emergency button, waiting for something bad to happen. Luckily, it did not.

I was sore, my neck, head and chest hurt, so did my canylla and both hands. I could not breathe well and overally felt like hit by a truck. My doctor explained it today as delayed shock from surgery. To be honest, it wasn’t just unpleasant. It was really really scary.

When I woke up at 6:00 am this morning,ย  I got my last antibiotics and my canylla has been removed. Yay I say! I could finally take a shower and wash my hair properly.

I am feeling a little better today, even if I got fever from not drinking enough today and the nerves on my teeth and palate are starting to reatach. Well… ok, time to go to bed again. I will be back with an update tomorrow.

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Ok, hello again everyone. As promised, I am going to share my surgery experience. The text below is made from fragments that I kept writing on paper during the last few days and rewrote today. Please, excuse the mistakes and typos. I will check the text when I feel better. Also I made some photos, but I will be able to upload them first when I come back home. They consist of mostly my room pics and pics of one swollen hamster – me.

Anyway, letโ€™s begin.

Thursday – The hospital entering day

I was nervous. The first thing I had to do was to visit my best friend and return her notes that I borrowed from her months ago, so she can graduate, lol. I also brought her a plush crab for good luck with her exams, which will take place when I will be in the hospital. She was ill, so we just talked for few minutes and then I took another bus to the hospital.

I came a little late (hey, I am INFP personality, that is my sacred right), but they did not mind. A nurse took my examinations and x-rays and let me subscribe ton of papers. Then I met a doctor who explained me all the details of the surgery, medication etc etc.

The problem arised, when my main surgeon came and it came out that they have to extract a totally healthy tooth because my dentist wished for it. My surgeon did not agree, I did neither so they argued quite a lot with my dentist. The result was that the tooth will be extracted during the surgery. (As I realised later, my surgeon changed his mind and did not do it, instead finding out a way how to reach the same result while keeping the tooth).

I was really stressed from the argues, hints that I must have known it from before because my dentist must have explained it and whatever.

In the end of it, I felt really bad. I felt like it was me who caused the mess.

Oh, I also realised I weight 60 Kg and measure 163 cm (though the nurse wrote down 165 so I wont feel midget-ish, lol). My plan is to go down to 55 Kg and keep it and I must say that being on liquid diet for few months sounds like the perfect chance for doing it ๐Ÿ˜‰

In hospital with Gackt

The night before my surgery was strangely calm. I was given Diazepam in the evening, so I would not stress myself and could sleep well but it merely put me into a strange thinking mood with totally relaxed body and clear mind. Felt like a meditation more than anything else.

It was silent in the hospital. The younger children were given tranquilizers, so they could sleep peacefully, especially because some of them had their surgeries in Thursday, the day before me.

There were 3 other patients in my room. One was a young girl about 10, who did not seem to like me at all, she was to be released on Friday and one 21 years old, who was also long after her surgery and should go home the next day as well. The third was freshly operated on girl who was about 17, and was in a deep sleep when I arrived to hospital. She just returned from her wisdom teeth removal, which seems to be the most common procedure performed here on teens and adults. They perform it under general anaesthesia with sewing and all.

I could see the nurse slip into the room carrying a flashlight and checking on her about twice an hour and giving her different medication in infusion bottles every few hours. I was pretending to be asleep when she was around, because I did not want to be given stronger sleeping pill – I knew I will be drugged heavily the next day, no need to add to it.

I was listening to Gackt’s music on my small MP3 player, letting his ballads from Seventh Night Unplugged and Love Letter CD’s wash over me and keep me company. When I think about it, these two CDs are almost perfect pre-surgery music – they are calming, deep, gentle. There is something in them that I can not grasp exactly, but that really helped me to not stress myself over the next day’s issues.

So I was there. Lying in a metal bed in the biggest hospital in Prague, surrounded by patients and nurses preparing mentally for the surgery that had to take place at 8:15 the next morning, while listening to Gackt’s deep voice. To be honest, the idea that something might get wrong and I might not wake up from my general anaesthesia crossed my mind few times, but I was decided and there was no way out of it. Strangely, I did not even fear it much.

I fell asleep around 1 or 2 am and woke up at about 4 am to Gackt’s song Oasis. My battery decided to die few minutes after in the middle of the song, but I was too tired to switch it, so I just put the MP3 player aside and fell asleep again. Without the music, falling asleep was a little harsher, because I started worrying a little. Anyway, I was too tired to panic anyway, so I managed to sleep till 5 am when the nurse woke me up for another Diazepam and 6 am for temperature check. I had 36 celsius, which is quite low, but then, I am a mutated vampire thingy anyway ๐Ÿ˜‰

I knew I will be in the surgery room in few hours, so I did not go asleep again as the other girls in my room did, but instead started preparing myself. I took a long hot shower, brushed my teeth several times using a lot of herbal toothpaste to prevent any possible post surgery infection, tied up my hair and such. I also sorted my things in my cabinet next to bed (just in case I thought) and then laid down with a book and was waiting for the nurse to come with premedication injections.

The surgery

She appeared at about 7:30 and I had to change to white surgery nightie called “angel” in our hospital – it is the coat like thing with naked back. If you ask me, it felt like loose straight jacket, lol. The nurse also bandaged my legs all the way up to my crotch to prevent possible thrombosis from the surgery. Then it was quick. I got two premedication injections, the doctors came to visit me and other patients and then told me it is time and asked me if I have some further questions or something, if I am afraid and such. I told them I am fine and know everything I need, so I was taken to the 6th floor (6,5 floors up) to a huge surgery room. They carried me from my bed to the operating table and I had to strip and was covered by a sterile green blanket thingy. They also fastened a belt around my waist and arms, so I would not fall down.

The worst part was about to come. Canylla’s and transfusion/infusion needles and monitoring. I have really thin veins that tend to rupture, so it took 5 or 6 very painful tries until they hit the right vein that let the needle stay in. They also needed to use the thinnest canylla they had, because anything else did not work. The canylla’s are located on my hand between the fingers and wrist and to be honest, it hurts quite a lot there, even if I am use to have blood taken from that. I was about to cry, when they repeated that my vein ripped again and they need to try again, but somebody held my hand and was caressing it and saying it will be fine. I have no idea who it was, I do not know even if it was male or female, but it felt nice and the last try worked. Before I could look at the person, I got my general anaesthesia and fell asleep.

Waking up

I woke up about 5 hours later in a new room. I got a single room right across the nursesโ€™ station, so if anything happened, they could come immediately. I was one of the heavier surgery patients, not really a wisdom tooth removal one who can go home in 2-3 days.

First things I realised were two thick canylla’s in each of my hand and infusion with something dripping into my vein. My head and jaws hurt like hell, I could not feel my upper teeth and felt like I was run over by an angry bull in heat. All I could taste was disinfection, flood in my mouth and my lips and that my lips were totally dry and sore.

It hurt so much I could not even cry, so I was just whining like a beaten puppy. I was also still heavily drugged, so I could not control myself too well. My nose was bleeding heavily and I was sure something must have gone terribly terribly wrong. I was told it was a minor surgery and no big deal and now….

Waking up again

Fortunately, I fell asleep very soon after the first real awakening and while I was taking the additional sleep, the strong painkillers did their work. I woke up to get another infusion of painkillers, then a shot to stop my bleeding and another against swelling. Then large bottle of antibiotics and then canylla cleaning and sealing something. I think they called it heparine closing. When the infusions stopped, I was feeling quite fine actually. Nothing hurt at all, except opening my mouth too much or trying to smile – if I stayed calm, I felt almost like I had no surgery. My nose was still bleeding (I think they used the right nostril for intubation, because it continued bleeding time to time for about 3 days). I was swollen and somewhat sore, but quite fine.

The first shock totally wore off and I realised I had 3 large incisions in my mouth instead of the planned one (or one and two tiny ones). That was the reason for the horrible first awakening. Due to my unusual condition (Crouzon Syndrome and almost cleft palate), they had to modify the approach during the surgery and also try if the Hyrax screw works and opened it the whole way to check if the teeth will match and all. So, my SARPE with Le Forte I was finished well.

Anyway, except for the painful canylla’s (damn my bad veins once more), I felt great compared to what I expected. I had almost no bruising and the only major thing that kept worrying me was the huge nosebleed (and yes, I did not want my pajama’s with teddy bears stained too, lol). My surgeon stopped by to check on me and said the nosebleed was expected and will stop soonish and if not, that I will get medication into my nose. I did not want that, so I kept using small soft tissues to drain the blood out of the nose and slowly it dried up and was starting only when I moved quickly or elevated my head too much.

I finished reading the book, went through dozens of infusions and was forced to drink at least 10 glasses of tea. That was the requirement or I would get some additional infusions which I did not want. I managed to drink 12 during the day, which paid off and unlike other patients, I had no fever the next day. Going to toilet was a holy quest, but I managed it alone, even if keeping close to the walls. My head was spinning and I could not sleep until 0:30 am, but since I was on a single room, the nurse let me read my book and just kept checking on me. I started reading a third book and was listening to Gackt, Loreena McKennit, October Project and a CD called Songs for the free birds. Most of it was Gackt. I just love his deep voice, especially when I am not feeling well.

Also immediately when I could, I asked for my phone and texted grandmother and my friends that I am still alive and that I am fine. I did not mention the bad first awakening, no reason to scare them and have them worried.

I got sponge biscuits to drip in tea and water-blended baby food apple thingy to eat for dinner. Drinking was ok before, but as I realised, eating was an ordeal. The apples made my palate and whole mouth sore after first few spoons. I ate just about half of it and then some of the water softened biscuits, but at least something. When I did, I stopped feeling sick and my stomach calmed down, so it was good for something.

As for funny moments, I happened to lie on my nurse bell two times and started the emergency call for sisters. I felt so stupid, especially when it happened the second time. But I also needed to have it close to me in case something really happened and I needed the nurse or doctor immediately.


Saturday was uneventful. I am not allowed to blow my nose for 4 weeks, so I had to learn how to softly clean it using rolled tissues and such things. I had some hard time with the nosebleeds (and hiding it’s severity from my surgeon who wanted to check it properly = ouch!), but I managed it all somehow. Also sneezing would be really bad for me (one bad sneeze could rip my wound and stitches and keep me in hospital at least a week longer), so I had to learn how to prevent it.

(Oh, damn, nosebleed incoming. Let me stick tissues into my nostrils so we can continue… ok, good now. Hmm, for some reason, I can not stop thinking about Mr. Bean while I am walking around the hospital with huge white tissues in my nose ;))

Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes. I could also eat a normal breakfast (well, if you call a very liquid puree or what it was a normal breakfast) and was allowed to have my right unused canylla removed. Actually it was the less painful one, but when the nurse tried to give me infusions through it, it was stinging like hell, so they decided they will remove it, so I wonโ€™t get vein inflammation.

The doctor checked my incisions and stitches (I was dead by fear as I expected something nasty and painful coming) and just praised me for doing well. My stitches and incisions were totally clean, no inflammation, healing and closing well and I had no fever. I had to start cleaning my teeth from that moment, which showed to be quite difficult, provided that I can not feel them, nor can I properly open my mouth. But I was (and still am) doing my best, using a mirror for reference. I also got chamomile extract for rinsing.

I could sleep well on Sunday. The only thing was that I had to wake up for infusions during the night, because my canylla seemed a little blocked and I had to hold my hand in a specific position to be able to get the medications without having to remove and attach the canylla once more (which would mean more tries in my case and I did not want that). Midnight infusion was the scariest one – the canylla got blocked totally, but a brave nurse pressed the infusion bag a little and cleaned it. Ouch! Very very very ouch! But it saved me from having the needle reattached, so bless her.

Oh, I almost forgot. My grandmother and my boyfriend came to visit me today, which was really sweet of them. My bf even brought me my notebook and games. How can one not love that guy? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Funny moments: When the nurse came at midnight, I almost jumped out of my bed saying: “Oh, it is morning already?! Oh my gosh, it is morning!” and she had to put me back to the bed and explain that I am just getting antibiotics and that the light is the lamp above me.

Post-op sarpe profile

Post-op sarpe


Not much swelling yet

Right canyla removed



Today. Well, what can I say? Well, my painkillers stopped being served. Ouch. I can feel the incisions, but I am getting pills, so it is not so bad. I feel the wound fully for the first time (except the first awakening) and it is sore and tense, but no big deal unless I smile, talk or eat. Oh, rinsing and tooth brushing is a little painful too, but bearable.

I got called for check and one of the doctors cleaned the wound and stitches using… well… peroxide. OUCH! Hurts. I was trying to be brave, but one of the nurses told the doctor I am not as fine as I say and that I asked for painkillers in the morning, hmmm…

If things go well, I can have my second canylla removed on Monday and finally take a proper shower and wash my hair.

Also I should have an appointment with a renomed plastic surgeon who is working with my main reconstructive surgeon very often and would not mind to give some advices for my second and third surgery in the future – which, if things go well, could be even blended in one.

Funny moments: People are starting to call me teddy-bear thanks to my super cute and very infantile pajama covered with yellow teddy bear pictures.




Strange facts:

Strong antibiotics work for my acne. No new acne appeared, even if my face was violated in many horrible ways during the surgery and I really expected a huge breakout. I wish it stayed so clear and rosy. (Update from 1 month post op: The acne is back :()

You can get vein inflammation if you feel that your canylla hurts. Be careful about that and tell it to your doc if it happens.

If you are all swollen and fed hamster like looking and your bf comes in and says “oh, you look different, somehow better”, do not kill him. He probably just thinks you had something else done and wants to be nice, lol ๐Ÿ™‚



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So, I got up at 6 am today and took buss from gran’s home to Prague. This weekend was really great. We were having some argues with my gran lately, mostly because she was nagging no matter what I did, which frustrated me a lot, but nothing like that happened this time. I think that the thing that helped the most was, that I took time and red a lot of articles and studies about old people and behaviour changes that come with old age. I learned how to avoid an argue and how to stop before she manages to stress me enough to snap. It works and I highly recomend reading sites about caring, especially advices for carers who have to manage caring and own life/daily job, to anyone, who could have similar problems.

Anyway, I made my last round around doctors today, getting my x-rays (oooh, my rib cage is sssooo pwetty!) and a spare asthma inhalator, just in case.

My blood tests are done, my examinations are done and summed up by my doctor, I have the x-rays , I have my CTs and teeth x-rays, the Hyrax is on. I am really hoping nothing gets wrong this time and the surgery will be performed as planned.

(Just a note: My teeth do not hurt at all anymore and I learned how to eat with the Hyrax. I can not eat anything hard though, because the metal bands are too close to my gums and if I chow anything harder, they will irritate the gums. Anyway, I magaged to eat a piece of chicken and enjoyed every second of it ;))

Now to the musing part.

Some of you (who red my posts on plastic surgery forums) , know, that I spent a lot of time thining about how I should look after my journey is at it’s end and fearing that I might end up with facial features that I might hate. As an abused child (yeah, I do not really want to talk about details much, ok? ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ), there are some facial features that I might have hard time to get used to – as they would bring bad memories every time I would see myself in the mirror.

A friend of mine once asked: “You love asia and your face is flat-ish anyway. Why do not ask your doctor to give you asian features?” She then explained that I might benefit from bigger high cheekbones, similar to what chinese or japanese women tend to have.

That was what triggered something in me. To be honest, if somebody asked me what beauty is, I would probably explain by showing them a picture of an asian person with lovely eyes, high cheekbones, full temples, full lips and nice small chin. All the traits I lack. I do not think I could manage something like that, still, that is where my perception of beauty lies. Silly, I know.

I never had the usual perception of beauty common to my friends. I never wanted to look like Spice girls clone, never wanted a tiny upturned nose (actually the thought scares me) or full round apple cheeks or whatever. But when I started to be interested in Japan and then lived there for a while, it just clicked. That was where my perception of beauty lied. In delicate harmonic faces – asian faces.

But then, how could I come to my doctor, who spends most of his time repairing really serious defects, to which are mine minor, and say “Hey, you know, how about asian cheekbones? Good idea, ne?” Damn, I do not even know if it is or isn’s a good idea, not to mention he would think that I am actually asking him to redo me to asian with the eyes and all.

Ok, I would love to have these features, but I can live without them just fine. The question is what all can I do with my face without going too far, looking silly or undergoing meaningless surgeries. I am used to look less than average and to be honest, almost anything will be improvement unless an accident happens (like accidentally dipping my head in a barel of acid, lol). Still, I would love to look more than just a little better and if I was able to plan these things, it would be great.

Anyway, if there was a machine that could just redo me to my liking, I would probably choose to look like someone similar to this person, even though he is male. (Damn, he looks 100% more feminine than me ;))

GacktGackt profile


Or maybe I would just become a manga character look-alike. I wish it was so easy…

Zack profile

Crisis Core Zack


Well, enough musing about such things. I need to pack my things and prepare for my stay in hospital, which should be about 5-7 days with the surgery on Friday morning (GMT time). This surgery will be the real start of my long run, so wish me luck.

Anyway, as an apology for my meaningless ranting, have a confused rabbid maid.

Rabbid maid

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A really weird dream

Ok, I had a really really weird dream tonight.

It started as me being a favourite cat (gliding cat, I could spread skinfolds between my paws and glide on it like these gliding squirrels) of a dark evil queen. The queen was fighting heroes who came to reap her throne from her and I was stuck between helping them, so they will not be killed and helping the queen, because she was not really so terribly bad as everyone thought.

After a while, I helped some heroes escape and gained human form while doing it, so I could not go back to the castle. We were running away and appeared in a park in the middle of Prague. It was completely empty and white, there was a snowstorm coming. I heard the sound of hooves and people from Lord of the Rings appeared. I think it was Aragorn, Gandalf and some rohan horsemen. Aragorn seemed to be one of the heroes I saved from the queen.

We decided that we must get fine horses. Gandalf called for Shadowfax, who appeared in the form of unicorn, and I wanted to ride it, but Aragorn was quicker. I was really upset and just took one of the rohan horses (yellowish horse with grey saddle). We rode up across the park, but were stopped by hungry Wargs. Horses went mad and ran away, so we just stood there.

Then we heard the sound of jinglebells and Santa Claus appeared on a slide (sleigh?). We stole it, telling him to catch and take one of our runaway horses. I somehow managed to catch one of the Wargs and attached it to the slide like a horse. Aragorn wanted to take the reins, but I told him “You had your shadowfax, I have my warg. Now give me the reins or get out!” and took them from him, lol.

We were sliding down the park again and my friend appeared to be in the slide as well. I asked her, if he have brakes and she answered “Yes!” and pulled on them. We immediately crashed and I think knocked the warg unconscious or killed it. I was really mad… and then my alarm saved me from this obscurity ๐Ÿ˜‰

Now… I really feel weird ๐Ÿ˜‰

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Hello world! Your favourite pony is here!

I found out that I can chew on only one molar with the Hyrax on. Basically, anything that is not very soft or does not melt causes me problems (and onion rings and wakame seaweed from soup get stuck behind Hyrax, lol) . Sssooo, I have sinking suspicion that I am going to lose some weight in the next 3 and something months. Not that I mind ๐Ÿ™‚

I am getting quite used to the appliance and except for eating and toothbrushing, it does not bother me much. If I think about it, I am really lucky that I will get this surgery and appliance as part of my condition’s treatment and covered by my insurance. Unfortunately, the braces after wont, but it should be ok, it is not so expensive and I will just not buy something else.

What bothers me a lot now is my work future. I still did not get answer from Disney if I will or will not get the job I want so much, so I am starting to get a little pessimistic. If I do not get this one… well, I might stay jobless untill I finish my treatment, which is quite long.
Why? Well, I am a trained assistant/manageress/translator and am aiming for this type of position. But at the moment, I doย  not look representative enough and have speech problems caused by a piece of metal across my palate for few months now. (Unfortunately, the “representative behaviour and pleasing visage” tends to be a condition present in almost all job offerring adds for assistant/manageress work. )

Also I am taking care of my grandmother by visiting her every weekend (and any free days I happen to have) and help her. I could not possibly even think about stopping taking care of her because of job that would require more than five days a week. She does not want to move from the countryside where she has friends and spent a whole life, so I am doing the best I can to take care of her.

So, I think I will end doing some cleaning lady work or something like that, lol. Not that I did not do it before, when I was studying Uni or helping my gran with her part-time when I was a kid and she broke her arm. I just have this nagging feeling that I should be doing something for my career and am losing time here, which is quite annoying. Our country has high uneployment rate and getting a really good job can be a rat race. My ideal job would be either supportive position with a nice boss, or (even better) doing some creative work like writing, designing, finding fresh possibilities and aproaches… just using my head in any way possible (Zombie employers do not apply, I want to keep my brain for a while, thank you very much ;)).

So, I foresee that this is how I will look for the next 3-4 months:


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Ok, I got my Hyrax palatal expander attached yesterday. It did not hurt (except for some tiny problems with my supercrowded teeth) and it was much less scary than I thought it will be. It sits on my first and third molars, because they just could not fit the first model made for the first and second molars in no matter how my doc tried. So, she said I have a very special appliance made. Look, look, I am special! Mommy and doccy say I am special! *eats some glue*

Oh, speaking of glue. I made a great discovery: Tooth glue that hardens in the UV light tastes like… yeah, GLUE! Shocking, is it not? Anyway, I took few hours to get the taste out of my mouth. Listerine rinse helped a lot, so did multiple teeth cleaning with a lot of paste. And if I say a lot, I mean A LOT!

The appliance itself does not hurt at all. It has sort of metaly taste, but it is bearable. For some reason, I feel like a horse ๐Ÿ˜‰ (Reins and bit anyone?) I had really hard time speaking few hours after I got it in, but it is almost ok now. The metal bridge of Hyrax lies on my tongue, so it is a little annoying, but as I said, not painful, not unbearable. *neighs a little*

As for eating, my doc says I can eat anything, but since my bite (crossbite, class III as well) is not fully closed thanks to the metal bands, I find it a little difficult. Also teeth are still very sensitive, so I am sticking with soft food and galons of hot chocolate ๐Ÿ˜‰

Aaaanyway, surgery is planned for the 14th and I am entering hospital on 13th, so that is when I will stop posting for a while, but I will try to make some post-op pics and get back as soon as possible.

Now excuse me, I am going to watch Lexx and maybe play some games ๐Ÿ˜‰

Edit: Here is my little metal baby (excuse the unladylike drool, lol):

Hyrax palatalย expander

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